I want to share my journey through understanding privilege and the relationship between myself and those around me. I’m not sure who this text is for. It’s certainly not meant to be a full recount of all of the issues in societies and how they should be fixed – I am nowhere near that insightful. It isn’t meant to educate those that have a deep, personal connection with the issues discussed. The best audience may be those that share identities with myself. If you are confused about the issues being raised today, or are taken aback by the term “white privilege”, this may be for you. That said, I also don’t mean this to make light of any of the current issues or to somehow point to myself and say “look how wonderful I am” or even “how brave am I for sharing these things”.
As with most of my posts, I feel it relevant to point to my points of privilege. I’m a married, home-owning, straight, cisgender, white, college-educated man who, while I identify as being agnostic, was at least raised as a Christian and generally believe in the ideals of loving and caring for one’s neighbors. These identities absolutely color my experiences, as I will likely point to here.
Early Education
I grew up in what I assumed to be somewhat standard rural America – moving to Texas has certainly altered that assumption. I technically grew up in an “unincorporated community” that couldn’t have had more than 100 people living in it. Vienna, IL, the town where I went to school, had around 1200 people – a town big enough to eventually get a McDonald’s and a Subway to join the Dairy Queen I worked at in high school. There were very few African American students in my classrooms growing up. Looking back with modern eyes, I remember history classes being fairly whitewashed. I honestly remember learning about “manifest destiny” in like 1st grade as some magical concept where God had blessed us to conquer this “new land” – with little if any mention of the native people that lived here. By junior high and high school, this whitewashing (and probably a catalog of white-dude action movies) made imperialism seem just fine – it was the strong that could conquer the weak and claim the land and resources as its own. Did we learn about the cultures and peoples that were lost and forgotten through these conquests? Nope. They didn’t matter.
Paul Powell, a former Illinois Secretary of State was born in Vienna. One year in high school, we had a school-wide assembly where people were there to talk about how great this man was. All I really remember about the talks was how when Paul Powell died they found shoeboxes full of bribe money in his house. Why exactly were we celebrating this man, then?
On Relationships
In high school, I began to think more about relationships and my place in society. I had certainly bought into many of the ideas around junior high and high school – those involved in sports certainly appeared to receive a lot more benefits and praise than those that excelled in academics. I remember a history class where, when discussing utopias, I declared my utopia would place little value on one’s appearance. The society around me seemed to place a lot of value on that, and it was maybe easy for me to throw blame towards that as a fat nerdy kid (full disclosure, I’m still a fat nerd today, but that’s just fine). I do think there were structural biases that gave preference, or at least fanfare, to athleticism over academics there, but maybe not to the extent that I had been perceiving it?
To an extent, I fell into the idea of nice guys finishing last / being under-valued. I fell in love with a clip from Scrubs where JD is fed up with Elliot, Turk, and Dr. Cox complaining about their relationships when they should have been thankful they were in one to begin with. I definitely had a sense of entitlement when it comes to relationships – I seemed like a good and smart guy, why wasn’t I with anyone? I do want to say that, at least for me, this was 100% not about sex. I don’t think that had crossed my mind back then. I think it was more about companionship, loneliness, and societal pressures that valued those in relationships over those that are single (grandparents and whatnot asking “so, got a girlfriend yet?”). Now, I could be absolutely wrong in my memory of this, and it in no way excuses any of my behaviors from that entitlement. There was one woman in particular that I made fairly clear I was interested in, where she made clear she was not interested in me, and yet I continued to pursue it hoping to “change their mind”. I had this weird and twisted idea that it was like a poker game – I could just keep playing hand after hand, maybe get a few wins in here and there, and eventually come out on top. Thinking back on that, I am absolutely disgusted by those ideas I had as well as my behavior in those times. I regret the harm that I caused to those around me during that time. I like to think I have grown past that, and I certainly hope I treat people better than that now.
Introduction to Social Justice
My first real exposure to the ideas of social justice and privilege came in my undergraduate years at SIU, and specifically the training I received to be a Resident Assistant. Those training sessions were the first exposures I had to the concepts of white privilege and inequalities that seem so prevalent and undeniable now. And yet, I wasn’t entirely convinced by those training sessions. I understood white privilege as a thing, but it felt extremely abstracted from my experiences. I understood the structures in place that had held “other” identities down in society, but what did this have to do with me? The best I could come up with was that I just need to understand that people have struggles that others may not have to go through, and you have to be understanding of those struggles. I’m learning more and more, that this was maybe even just the bare minimum point of those trainings.
I learned more about this in my graduate work at SIU, where I began to learn the struggles facing women, African Americans, and non-binary/non-heterosexuals within higher education. I was appalled to learn that as recent as 2005, the then Harvard president Lawrence Summers essentially suggested women were incapable of performing in the areas of science and engineering. I urge you to look into the book The Woman Question and Higher Education: Perspectives on Gender and Knowledge Production in America by Ann Mari May (1848444591) as it refutes these claims while also providing the historical contexts for how those same ideas have been perpetuated throughout history. Similarly, Covering: The Hidden Assault on Our Civil Rights by Kenji Yoshino (0375760210) exposed the performative nature of our identities (especially those related to race and sexuality) and how “others” often have to hide their true selves in order to make the majority more comfortable. Again, I am by no means an expert in these topics, but I definitely recommend these as resources.
Privilege and Identities
Before moving forward, I wanted to take a brief look at identity and privilege, at least how I understand it. Identity is an attribute that helps describe yourself as a person – often on demographic or socio-economic lines. This can be things like race, ethnicity, education level, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, and all kinds of other similar elements. Privilege, then, is the extent to which those sharing one of your identities have power within the society. An absolutely easy and non-controversial example of this is religion. There are a lot of Christians in the United States, and a lot of Christians were involved in the formation of the US. Thus, Christian ideals and references are baked into various aspects of Americana: through slogans and mottos, the pledge of allegiance, references in founding documents, national holidays, prevalence in culture and popular media, etc. So, Christians in the US enjoy a privilege based on that identity – their ideals are constantly reflected and enforced by the society in which they live. Those of other religions don’t get to enjoy those benefits – their holidays are not recognized on a national level, references to their deities are not present in public spaces/media, etc. And that’s maybe the least important marker of privilege we can discuss. The business leaders, senators, representatives, and presidents of this country have mostly been wealthy, white, Christian males, and thus the policies and societal structures in the US are mostly built around the ideals and needs that benefit those individuals. We have data to back this – how police brutality is disproportionately directed at African Americans, or how economic mobility is substantially easier for white Americans than for those of other races.
Social Justice, then, is nothing more than recognizing that these privileges exist, the structural biases that exist in our society and institutions, and working to find ways to make those institutions more open and welcoming to others. Does that mean taking power from white people – sure. But it’s so that our fellow citizens can actually succeed in our communities and enjoy the same benefits that we do. Similarly, political correctness is all about recognizing that the language we use has meanings and connotations that may cause people to respond in ways differently than how we respond. It’s recognizing those connotations, and finding other ways to express our ideas, that allows more people to participate in the conversation. I truly do not understand how these are hard concepts to grasp, why everyone isn’t a “social justice warrior” or member of the “PC police”.
Later Years
The benefit of privilege is that one does not have to think about it. One is free to enjoy their life without being constantly reminded of their status in society. I can walk down any street and feel safe. I can walk into any store and not have to worry about being watched. I can interact with police officers without being haunted by the memories of their actions towards my brethren. I can enter a time machine and go back to just about any point in history and be safe. Louis CK has proven to be a terrible human, but he had a joke about how he was the most evil person to exist. As he would say, every day he has the opportunity to sell his Lexus, by a Ford Focus, and donate the difference to charity – to put his wealth to use to help others. That’s the benefit granted by privilege – the comfort to enjoy one’s life without the oppression felt by others.
The repeated killings of African American men by police officers changed my perception on things. Having the benefit of privilege, my first real exposure to this was the events from 2012 to 2016: Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, Alton Sterling. All of these are absolute travesties where the men perpetrating the murder rarely saw any justice. I recognized this injustice back then, but I also questioned the protests that followed. Surely there were better ways to bring change, right? Level heads and conversations – that’s the way to bring everyone to the table and work towards our solutions, right? Right? As these acts have continued throughout the years, I’ve grown to understand that those methods have been tried over and over again. This wasn’t anything new – the brutality and targeting has never not been present in American society. The voices calling for change aren’t being heard. When those peaceful methods fail, how else can you get the attention of others?
Where I Am Now
I consider myself an ally, but I know I’m a terrible one. I hide behind the comfort of my privilege – I don’t have to put myself in harm’s way because I don’t face those issues on a daily basis. I can do nothing to bring about change and my life will mostly remain unchanged (at the sacrifice of those struggling). I now understand the disconnect I had with those social justice trainings I failed to understand as an RA. It takes more than acknowledging that privilege exists. The point of privilege is that your voice is heard and acknowledged by society. You can enter society without fear, with the knowledge that your needs are met. The white guilt then is not being ashamed for the actions of your ancestors 20, 50, 100, 200 years ago that actively oppressed others in society (I mean, there’s still plenty there to be ashamed of). Rather, white guilt is having the position in society to bring about change but not using that position to advocate for those whose voices aren’t being heard. That’s the point – that’s the call to action for social justice training. Understand what identities are and how privilege works, but then know that those with privilege are maybe more capable to have their voices heard to bring about change than others. Or if anything, they can stand in solidarity with oppressed peoples to amplify their voices.
I need to do better. I try to educate those around me about these issues, to point to the atrocities (past and present) to show people that we need to do better. I try to take care of the friends and family members in my community – letting them know that they are loved and that I am here and available if they need me. It’s becoming more and more clear that this simply isn’t enough. I need to do better.
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